What If My Husband Doesn't Love Me Anymore? What Should I Do? Insights That May Help

I recently received an email in which a wife confided to me that she was afraid that her husband didn't love her anymore - at least not in the way that he used to and in the way that he should. She asked what she was going to do if her suspicions were true. She could not imagine her life without her husband. The mere thought of this caused all sorts of anxiety and fear in her. She wanted to take immediate and dramatic action, but I knew from experience that this might do more than good to the situation. To begin, we had to get some clarity and calm and then we could begin to determine what was really going on and how best to proceed. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Fearing The mink lashes Worst: Worrying That He No Longer Loves You In The Way That A Husband Should Love A Wife: I started by asking the wife why she felt that her husband had fallen out of love with her. She responded that she was basing these beliefs on the way that her husband had been acting, on the fact that he stayed away from home more, and based on her observation that he was no longer showing her the affection that she craved. In short, it was pretty easy, she said, to see that things had changed between them - and not for the better.

I asked her if it was possible that her husband was projecting other issues or disappointments in his life or work onto the marriage. Sometimes, people will lash out at those who are closest to them simply because it's you who is there. The wife just didn't buy this. She could not help but notice that he no longer initiated intimacy or closeness and she could feel him slipping away more all of the time.

She wanted to confront him very directly and simply ask him if he still loved her. I understood this need, but I also knew that this will often go very badly. Often the husband will be taken aback and will not give you the response that you'd hoped for. This in turn will contribute to your becoming even more upset and fearful and so the cycle ends up getting worse rather than getting better. This is not what you want.

One of your goals must be to place begin to put an end to the negative cycle and the fear. Yes, very often it's advisable to face a roadblock head on. But often, it's not clear or cut and dry how either of you feel when closeness and intimacy are lessening. He may well still love you, but not love the way that the relationship is going, but may also be unable to articulate this. So, you're much better off worrying about closing the gaps in the relationship rather than focusing all of your attention on semantics.

Focusing On The Things That You Can Control: Here's something that might be very hard to accept, but doing so is necessary so that you can place your attention where it needs to be. You're not going to have complete control over his feelings. You can't reach inside his head and "make" him love you. However, you likely have more control than you may realize. You can control your end of the behaviors and actions in your relationship. You can do your best to ensure that the person he sees across the table from him is pleasant, receptive, and as close to the person he fell in love with as is possible. You can try to make the environment in your home as calm, upbeat, and as conducive to positive feelings as you possibly can.

You can address any outstanding issues in a positive and proactive way, but with that said, you really don't want to place your focus solely on problems and sticky issues until the two of you are close and bonded again. It really is quite important to first focus on lessening the tension and restoring the feelings before you try to tackle the really big issues. All this does is forces you to deal with several tough issues at once. If he's not feeling all that connected to you, you're likely to get much less cooperation and efforts than you might if the two of you were connecting on a different level.

So make sure that you're always acting with the knowledge that improving your interactions is absolute goal number one. With that said, you need to do this in the most genuine way possible. Don't take actions that aren't or can't be genuine. Your husband will know the difference and this will read as insincere and false. You want to still be yourself. You wan to be honest and genuine, but you want to do all of these things by showing the best version of yourself. You can't do this if you feel fearful and stuck. Take care of yourself right now. Conduct yourself with self respect and integrity. Not only is this just the right thing to do, but it will make you appear much more attractive to your husband as well. Someone who puts themselves dead last does not project the kind of self confidence and self care that is often necessary to project the confident and capable woman that first intrigued him.

The truth is, you can't possible know exactly what your husband is feeling right now, even if he attempts to share this with you. What you can do is to focus on the positive and to try to interact, and to improve things in positive ways which focus on what brings you together rather than fearful ways which drives you apart.

There was a time that I thought my marriage was truly at it's end. My husband seemed to have no interest whatsoever in saving our marriage, but I knew that I wasn't ready to give up for good. Thankfully, I decided to try one last thing, to give a little more, and to approach it from another angle (by focusing on my own time and efforts) and this eventually worked. You can read a very personal story on my blog